I have not been AT ALL consistent with my supplements.
I know that I shouldn't be so careless especially being only a week away from being completely off so I'm setting up alarms on my phone to remind me to take them when it is appropriate. I would hate to suffer the Effexor wrath when I am so close to the finish line. I remember that Jim Harper said that Effexor remains in the body for a little under a month's time post discontinuation, therefore, I am still planning on taking the supplements for another 30 days after.
I realize that my last post was very angry, aggressive even and I'd like to say that though the situation still stands it has afforded me an experience quite different than if I were to have been on a full Effexor dose. I believe that the reason I've been able to deal with a lot of the verbal abuse, bullying, harassing, etc., here at work the last two years was in fact due to taking Effexor. (Hear me out) The reason that I say this is because it was very easy for me to spike in an emotion and just as fast as I spiked I would drop right back down and no matter how bad the situation... I was numb to it and life kept moving forward. These days, I don't forget the hurt as easily and I definitely do not allow bad manners & people's malice to continue to hurt me without standing up for myself. I am feeling. And that in itself is hard to accept and cope with when for the last two years each day was in fact a fresh start. In the issues that I am currently working through I am laying my head down at night drowning in them and waking just as suffocated. It's weird, it's uncomfortable, and it's overwhelming sometimes. I would never say that I was a better person while ON Effexor, but I will say that I was a more predictable and simple one.
I have to re-teach myself how to deal and not let it overtake my thoughts. I have to re-teach myself how to stand up for myself, and not be scared to do so meanwhile playing all possible worst case scenarios in my head. Coping is an absolute pain, Ohhhhh the conundrum of human emotion!
I don't know what my future holds, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if where I am standing is even solid ground. So for now, I'm holding on only to the promises that God has made to me. He says that he is with me through everything, no matter where it is that I go and I plan to hold him to it.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9